Tag Archives: Allowance

the thing about not receiving is…

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I think we have all heard the adage: “it is better to give than to receive”

The thing about not receiving is, that when I am not willing to receive, I am obstructing my creations. When I am not willing to acknowledge my creations, I nullify me, and take me out of the equation, negating my potency, limiting me, my joy, and my choice. I have done lots of this, and I don’t like it very much.

I am learning that when I am more willing to give, than receive, I am messing with Divine design. There are so many examples in nature of how receiving as we give nourishes all, and allows sustainability, grace, and joy in the process. For example, the human heart is equipped with self-nourishing vessels that, with every body-nourishing contraction of the heart, send some of the heart’s very best work, richly oxygenated blood, into the heart-tissue itself, nourishing it, and clearing waste, enabling it to keep nourishing all of the other tissues, without breaks, for a lifetime. That is a bad-assed brilliant design. When a heart’s self-nourishing vessels are obstructed, it is a four-alarm fire, a real emergency, and often includes a heart-attack. What would I possibly have to gain by obstructing my receiving?

I have also noticed how challenging it can be to receive acknowledgement from someone else. It has sometimes seemed more polite to brush off a compliment with a glib comment, or by minimizing myself, or the creation, or contribution being acknowledged. It is, after all, shameful to be full of pride, and acknowledging my creations and contributions will surely lead me astray! Wait. Now that I have written that, and seen it written, it is so clear to me how full of caca and self-minimizing nonesense it is.

It seems possible that I will be only be more of me, when I acknowledge me, in total allowance of me, and choose true caring for me. And, I am often amazed at how much practice it takes for me to choose true caring for me with consistency.

I am certain that if I want to be all of the contribution I am here to be, I am going going to need to learn to receive, perceive, be, and actually choose true caring for me, in total allowance of me. It will be vital to receive me, in total allowance of all I truly Be, and acknowledge, and appreciate the being I Be, to be all the Love I can Be.

How much Love, and abundance, and nurturance have I been refusing with the judgement and limitation of me, I’ve been choosing? Would I be willing to release that practice, and choose something different?

Yes please.

Coffee Food Love

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Coffee. Food. Love. These words have been central in the last few years of my day-to-day life.

I moved from a window-walled, penthouse apartment in Vancouver to beautiful Victoria, and I started baking at a community coffee shop, in addition to my healing practice. The bakery for this coffee shop is located underground; no windows, no natural light.

While some things have changed, some things remain the same. Much of my meditation, and healing practices just moved underground, and I learned to practice in parallel with kitchen productivity.

In my underground lair I had a lot of time to be with myself, with no other people, or daylight, and few distractions.  I created beautiful food, and breathed, and prayed. I practiced the craft of cooking while meditating, and learned to be an amplified instrument of Love-Food; something I have long practiced was now being shared on a larger scale.

With that idea in mind I will also share the awareness I came to, about expanding the reach, of a Lovefull message.

I have been praying, cultivating my own, individual relationship with Divine for a long while, and I have been doing it privately. Generally, and for as long as I can remember, I have preferred to pray alone, mostly not out loud, or in front of other people. I knew I was very comfortable with someone when I would find myself praying easily in their presence.

Increasingly, I am perceiving guidance that there may be value in sharing my prayer practices, and Lovefull ideas with others. What if sharing my perspective might open more choice for others?

I do not define myself as an expert, of anything really, especially not anything to do with the Divine, or Love, or religion of any kind.  I am more of a persistent student, with a real taste for ‘humble-pie’.

It is in this Light I long to be an instrument of Love, and a contribution of service.

I perceive that I am to share this message of ‘Divine Love available for anyone who chooses it, with true longing, and openness.’

While I have studied, and continue to study, lots of different kinds of healing, and tools, and resources, I do not call myself a healer, a teacher, nor a writer.

There are times that I am not so sure that I really identify with this role I am being guided to pursue. I might have imagined, and actually have publicly spoken about, many other topics readily, and yet this topic feels different.

I truly long to be an open channel of Divine Love and healing for me, and the Earth, and all beings, and choosing awareness of my guidance is only one step on this parth. Acting on my guidance is another important step, making choices that reflect my guidance and inner-most longings sounds so easy, and yet sometimes I find it challenging.

Challenging or easy, I am committed to choosing true caring for me, in total allowance of me, as I learn to be a truly open channel of Love. I’ll keep practicing and see what gets created…

Hiding or honouring awareness?

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Is it possible to honour all of my feelings, even the ones I would rather not have, without getting sucked into the quicksand of emotional discomfort?

I am learning that in addition to making sure my body’s needs are met, with hydrating, eating and moving my body often, I benefit from acknowledging my Being, and it’s awareness.

Sometimes I am aware of emotions, low mood, lethargy, or anxiety. Especially when an emotion is intense, and has a ‘sudden onset’ and no obvious trigger, I have been asking the valuable question “Is this mine?” And I was surprised, at first, to find that often, what I was aware of wasn’t mine to begin with.

I had frequently been making the error of feeling something, and assuming it was mine, simply because I was feeling it. After I had assumed it was mine, I made it mine, adopted and instituted it, and all of it’s limitations, as real.

I have noticed lots of judgement in the litany of my mind’s chatter. I notice that when I asked if the judgement was mine, the response was easy, and Light, in my body, nope, totally not mine. Cool.

I perceive that judgement limits awareness, and creates separation. So far, I vastly prefer connection and awareness, and I am learning to notice judgement when it arises. I can acknowledge that judgement isn’t fun for me or my body, and I would like to choose to create from a place of zero judgement.

In transparency, I have also noticed myself hiding self-limiting choices, and justifying old habits and patterns that I would very much like to be free of, in totality, for all eternity. It is amazing how many ‘brain-calculations’ it takes to hide something from yourself, something you would rather deny, ignore, avoid, and escape from.

What if I could be choosing more allowance of me, right now? What if when I choose total allowance of me, and true caring for all of me, I can be and receive enormous contribution here?

So far, one of my hardest homeworks is to consistently choose to perceive, know, be, and actually choose to be all of me, and my extraordinary capacities, in total allowance of me, and all of who I Truly Be.

What if, when I am in allowance of it, my awareness is enormous, and extends much further than the edges of my body, my home, or even the planet?

What if I can open more choice for my body, mind, and Being, by engaging different language when I notice emotions? Would saying that I perceive anger give me more choice than saying I feel angry, or I am angry?

I perceive more choice when I say “I am aware of anger,” or “I notice anger here.”  I find that when I say “I am angry,” I am defining and limiting me with the anger, rather than with the possibilities my awareness and perceptions provide.

It is a small shift, and yet, for me, it seems to provide just a little bit more space to choose with, and I like creating with more choice, freedom, and ease. Yes please. More freedom, choice, and ease, please.

What do you want to choose? Judgement of you, or Allowance of you?

Im gonna give allowance some more practice and get back to you.

Peace.